How can I possibly put into words all of the things God has been teaching me? Through the pain of my miscarriage, and the millions of other stressors and issues that come up daily, God has quietly been making His presence known. I can honestly say, I don't understand why He chose to take our child before we had a chance to truly know him or her. I know that I cannot change what has happened, and so I must accept it. I know He does not want me to go down the road to bitterness and anger. So instead, I chose to lean into Him for comfort.
I try my best to see difficult times as opportunities for growth...the fire refining my faith. It's so easy to say that you will stand strong among the storm when you aren't in the middle of it. When the storm is raging around you, it's a lot harder to hold on...but totally worth it.
Things are moving along on the adoption front. The DCF worker came for a visit. She is wanting to license us quickly. We had our water tested this week, and I still have paperwork to fill out and physicals to schedule. And of course, there is the issue of the van. We cannot take a child until we have a vehicle large enough to accommodate our entire family, plus (at least) one. I truly believe if this is His will, God will provide, and so I am praying and researching options that will work for us.
My 28th birthday was on Sunday. I decided to celebrate by finally getting one of the tattoos I have been wanting for a long time.
I chose this word, and this location, as a reminder to me that God has redeemed me. He paid the price and I no longer need to be bound by the chains of my past sins and mistakes. I am free! This word has stood out to me so many times in scripture, it's a word God has impressed upon my heart. It's also from my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 43: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."