Sunday, November 16, 2014

"You'll be done after this, right?"

Four kids. 

My fourth isn't even born yet, and I'm already getting looks, questions, and comments. 

"So, you're obviously not adopting then."
"You'll be done after this one, right?"
"Hopefully it's a girl, so you can have your two boys and two girls and be done."

Let me clarify that these comments do not make me upset or even offended. I know most are born out of honest curiosity, without the intention of being rude. So I give a lot of grace. 
Here is my own detailed response on the subject. 

At this point, I know better than to say we are definitely done having kids. After having our third, I swore I was done. But God really impressed adoption on our hearts. We went forward with plans, waiting for God to direct us, and yet we were met with God's silence. My pregnancy, and subsequent miscarriage, left me desiring to have another baby. After finding out we were again expecting, (we hadn't even told our social worker yet) the state adoption licensing fell through. 

So as you can see, so much happened this year, and it has changed my perspective greatly on our plans vs. God's plans. All of our lives, we are urged to consult God on all decisions, even the most mundane. Because He cares. I believe that. But how can we ask Him what His plan is regarding how to spend our money, but not on our family life? Should believers ask God to guide all areas of their life except for how many children we should have? This question has challenged me greatly. I am not necessarily saying we should all get off birth control and have tons of babies. But I believe before assuming control of that area of our lives, we should spend time praying and asking God what He has in store for us. If we choose to go our own way, I don't believe God will punish us, but I believe we will miss out on blessings He has planned for us. In my life, even though it's a constant struggle, in my heart I truly want what God wants for me, because I believe that will be the most fulfilling path I could take.

On adoption...I still with 100% certainly believe it was God who laid it on our hearts. I struggled with wondering why He would do that, and then not allow us to pursue it. It didn't make sense. But a friend shared a video with me that really helped me understand more about how God works. Christine Cain shared about the story of David's anointing. God passed over the other sons for the shepherd David, then just a boy. The Lord anointed him as king, and it seemed like everything was about to roll into motion. Yet he waited 20 years for the anointing to be completed. 
(Here is the link to that video, if you are interested. 

Waiting is a pretty common theme in the Bible. For example, Noah received the prophecy of the flood 120 years before it actually happened. In this world of instant gratification, we assume if God seems to be putting something on our hearts, we need to get right into action. Sometimes that is the case, but not always. In our case, I believe God will use our heart for adoption sometime in the future. I honestly don't know if we will adopt or not, but we will remain open to God's direction in that regard.