We decided to sign up for the PRIDE classes, which are the mandatory classes offered by the state of Connecticut for those interesting in fostering and/or adopting through the state. It's a bit of a time commitment for us, and those watching our kids - 5 hours per day for 5 Saturdays in a row. I was feeling very undecided on whether we should go or not, because we were doubting whether this is what God wants for us, but we have yet to receive definite confirmation either way. The classes are free, so we decided it wouldn't hurt to go through them and see if it leads us any closer to the right choice.
I'll be honest, I am feeling very negative about the idea of adopting through the state. I have heard many, many more negative stories than positive ones. If we foster to adopt a child age 5 or under, our bedroom has to be on the same floor as the child's, which would mean we would need to move our bedroom upstairs and one of the kids bedrooms downstairs. I am not at all comfortable with having any kids on the bottom floor of the house alone, and it's a huge hassle for us to be moving everything around. I don't want to deal with court dates, and birth parents, and not being able to go away for a weekend, and the very real possibility of falling in love with a child only to have them taken away and reunited with their birth parents. I don't know if I can handle that emotionally.
It's not about me.
Mmmm yes, back to that. This isn't about me and what's comfortable for me. No, I do not know if this is the right path. But I know I need to be open to WHATEVER God has in store for us. I can't pray "Your will be done, unless you want me to do this, because I don't want to deal with it."
Classes start February 1st. Prayers are appreciated as we continue to find the path God desires for us.