Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Grieving A Loss

This wasn't hard to write, but I hesitated in posting it because of the personal subject matter. I know when most people go through something like this, they choose to do it in private. However, for me, writing is how I express myself best, and I feel strongly that writing and sharing this will actually help me to heal.

Three weeks ago, we found out we were expecting. Although unplanned, we were totally excited. I even started brainstorming four-letter names to match our other three kiddos. We planned to tell family & friends on Easter.

Last week, I had symptoms that sent me to the ER. All day, I had cried and prayed, begging God to not take our baby. By the time we were on our way to the hospital, I told Justin I was 99% sure I was losing the baby, and only that 1% remained because I believed in miracles. I had prepared myself emotionally the best I could in a few hours. During the ultrasound, we saw a healthy yet tiny baby, we saw the heart beating, they told us everything looked perfect and sent us home with no explanation for the symptoms I was experiencing. Unfortunately, the symptoms persisted for the next 5 days, and I remained unconvinced everything was okay.

An ultrasound this morning confirmed what I believed deep down in my heart - that I had lost the baby. Although I was only 7 weeks pregnant, emotionally it was a hard hit. I honestly never ever thought that such an early miscarriage would cause me to grieve like I am. But through it, God is giving me so much peace. It truly is the peace that surpasses all understanding. I know friends and family have been praying for me, and those prayers mean the world.

I want to say sorry to all the other women who have gone through this. People don't know what to say. I never knew what to say. It's something we seem to brush under the rug and pretend like it never happened. It's awkward, and sad. But not saying anything, I think, is almost worse than saying the wrong thing. Everyone grieves differently, but no matter how, we all do. Miscarriage is common, so I know there are literally millions of women who have been through this. By sharing this, I hope to at least make someone else realize they are not alone.

I refuse to allow this to dampen my joy for others. I am praying specifically that God will help me to grieve in a healthy way that will not result in jealousy or getting stuck in a "why me?" rut. It hurts, but I know I will get through it. He will never leave my side. All I can ask for is for anyone reading this to save a prayer for me, every word spoken to Him for me is so appreciated.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.


  1. I am so sorry for your harrowing experience and very near loss. Praying for continued strength and peace.

  2. This is so much more common than I think many realize, we have many family and friends who have gone through this circumstance and it just hurts so much. Praying for healing for you and your family. I know your faith in the Lord will continue to give you the peace you need.

  3. I'm sorry for your loss Christina. I experienced an early miscarriage back in 2010. I had just found out the week before and although it was an unplanned pregnancy, I was still filled with excitement. Looking at my beautiful 13 month old made it hard as well. Just know that most miscarriages are the result of a serious problem with the embryo. Your body, and God know when something is wrong. I pray for peace and healing for you and your family.