Monday, February 24, 2014
And you want another one?!
But of course, there are those who don't understand. The ones who look at me like I have lost my mind.
I think they expect that someone planning to add another child to their family should have everything under control. They should never get impatient or frustrated with their children, have everything perfectly balanced. They shouldn't every look like a circus in the middle of Target, with the mom attempting to be the ringleader. (Not that I know from experience or anything.) "And you want another one?!" I hear as they watch me go through the crazy motions of trying to meet the needs of three terribly needy and sometimes demanding little people all at the same time.
Yes. I want more kids. I love watching them grow up, I love cuddling and reading stories, I love the kisses and hugs and the insanity and bittersweetness of it all.
Most importantly, I want what God wants for me. I want Him to take my crazy little life and make it something that brings Him glory. Are there times I doubt God's calling for me? Absolutely. When I am cleaning up the milk and cheerios all over the floor while my kids fight in the next room and I lose it and yell at them because we had been trying to leave the house for the last 45 minutes...I can start to doubt. I'm not perfect. I mess up a lot, but that doesn't mean that God can't use me.
I know the comments and stories are meant to be helpful. It seems that once people know you plan to adopt, they feel compelled to share their horror stories with you. (I like to compare it to expecting a baby...everyone tells you the most terrifying and painful birth stories, as if you aren't scared enough!) I understand the intention behind it, I really do. People want us to know what we're getting into, that it's not all butterflies and rainbows. But trust me, all the horrible scenarios you have described are nothing compared to the number of ones I have run through my own mind. Yes, I am scared of the unknown. Aren't we all? But I have full faith that God will lead us down the right path. Fear is not a good reason to abandon God's will.
So yes...I know it looks crazy. But you know what? Not following God's calling on my heart is even crazier.